The Things We Carry
Stranger Than Fiction

I was reading the New York Times the other day and came across an article about the end of dieting and the acceptance of the overweight body. It went so far as to advocate being “overweight” as an unchangeable and possibly healthier way to live.

The bloggers and celebrities who are embracing the fat lifestyle tell us about studies that say that a little extra fat might be healthier, they tell us that yo-yo dieting is a big part of their problem to begin with, they tell us that the BMI standards are unfair and unrealistic – they tell us that even if they exercise then … pounds, schmounds.

Are we really reaching a point where being overweight has become so normalized that it is becoming medically justified and psychologically reinforced? I want to be clear – I believe that everyone at any weight should have great self-esteem. But to argue that being overweight is a healthier way to be, given the ocean of medical information that refutes that position, is more than just illogical or wishful thinking. To deny yourself a healthier body is to not give yourself everything that you deserve.

The main concern I had when reading this article was that the “loose alliance of therapists, scientists and others” in the New York Times piece went beyond these perfectly reasonable and endorsable concepts that encourage health and self-esteem and into the realm of teaching people to accept that they are powerless to improve their health and make a lifestyle change. That is not a message of empowerment.

This also made me consider what kind of message this sends to the people that I care about and who I want to feel accepted and empowered. I thought about the scars that weight gain and loss have left on my family and I wondered how this would resonate with them. I wondered what my mother would think about this movement.

I remember watching her count her points for Weight Watchers, I remember how happy she was with her significant weight loss when I was younger and I remember the sadness that followed when the weight returned. I think about her efforts to lose weight and I wonder if this idea would provide some sense of relief, if this would take some of the pressure off, would relieve the stress of the dressing room, make doctors’ visits easier, everything I wanted to make better for her, everything that I wished was easier.

At a very young age, I learned what empathy was through these experiences and I learned what she meant when we disagreed and she said she only wanted life to be easier for me. In recent years, it has become clear that she is happier with herself, but the dressing room and the doctor are still places she avoids when she can. I still want to make this easier for her and the only way I know how is not the path that these “fat activists” recommend.

Do I think that everyone should look alike? Heck, no. I do think that everyone should feel great about themselves and believe that if they want to lose weight, they can. They shouldn’t have to settle for irresponsible medical advice or made to feel like a failure, an accepted failure, but a failure nonetheless.

What we should be telling people is that the only reason most people ever lose weight and manage to maintain it is because they learned the value and the joy of exercise and eating well.

I know that a big way that I learned to reconnect with my body again was consistent exercise. It woke me up from what I can only describe as a waiting game I was playing with my own life. When we lack confidence it is easy to believe we only get all the other things we want after all other variables are in place. But you are playing a boring, losing hand and letting someone else deal you out is not the way to finish it.

Editor’s note | For the opposite perspective on fat activism, check out Second Helping’s interview with Fat Activist Shirley Sheffield

Brooks Firth never had many weight concerns, then she gained and lost 40 pounds because of a steroid prescription. She hasn't seen life the same since being quickly introduced to the world of fat. Learn more at the Team Second Helping page. And read more of Brooks' column at the Thing We Carry Page. Be sure to sign up for our newsletter Under Maintenance.