Comments on: My Husband Made Me Eat It Hey! What Does a Girl Have to Do to Get a Compliment? http://www.secondhelpingonline.com/?p=1764 You lost weight. Now what? Redefining "weight maintenance" Thu, 02 Sep 2010 08:45:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Deanna McNeil http://www.secondhelpingonline.com/?p=1764&cpage=1#comment-488 Deanna McNeil Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:44:55 +0000 http://www.secondhelpingonline.com/?p=1764#comment-488 I don't need compliments any more from someone. I learned to forgive myself for having gained weight (I know what circumstances lead up to that) and I know I was doing the best I could at that time. Now that the circumstances are changed, I was able to honor myself and my body and that had the wonderful side benefit of weight loss too. But I myself no longer look at myself through that looking glass so I figure that others follow my lead and instead continue to focus on the person that I really am. I don’t need compliments any more from someone. I learned to forgive myself for having gained weight (I know what circumstances lead up to that) and I know I was doing the best I could at that time. Now that the circumstances are changed, I was able to honor myself and my body and that had the wonderful side benefit of weight loss too. But I myself no longer look at myself through that looking glass so I figure that others follow my lead and instead continue to focus on the person that I really am.

]]> By: Kay Matthys http://www.secondhelpingonline.com/?p=1764&cpage=1#comment-485 Kay Matthys Sat, 24 Oct 2009 15:43:54 +0000 http://www.secondhelpingonline.com/?p=1764#comment-485 I must admit to a similar struggle with my boyfriend, I know he loves me, he shows it in so many ways, but not with compliments on my appearance. Like you, I'm not fishing in that pond any more, and I try to be OK with a self-compliment, or those random compliments from strangers and friends (certain outfits seem to be especially compliment-worthy if I'm needing a boost!). I recently took a class on "crucial conversations" and there was a similar line to your assume love and take a second look, which was "why would a reasonable, rational person do this?" It takes the sting out of what could be hurtful, and lets you put it in another context. The rationale you have created for your husbands lack of compliments fits so well with my boyfriends as well, it must be tricky for a man to walk through that minefield of comments that could be taken badly! I must admit to a similar struggle with my boyfriend, I know he loves me, he shows it in so many ways, but not with compliments on my appearance. Like you, I’m not fishing in that pond any more, and I try to be OK with a self-compliment, or those random compliments from strangers and friends (certain outfits seem to be especially compliment-worthy if I’m needing a boost!).

I recently took a class on “crucial conversations” and there was a similar line to your assume love and take a second look, which was “why would a reasonable, rational person do this?” It takes the sting out of what could be hurtful, and lets you put it in another context. The rationale you have created for your husbands lack of compliments fits so well with my boyfriends as well, it must be tricky for a man to walk through that minefield of comments that could be taken badly!

]]> By: Shrlzi http://www.secondhelpingonline.com/?p=1764&cpage=1#comment-483 Shrlzi Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:23:11 +0000 http://www.secondhelpingonline.com/?p=1764#comment-483 ...assume love and take a second look. Wonderful advice!!! Stops the hurt and anger in its tracks... makes it possible to ask, 'what is behind what you said?' without stoking the fire. Thank you for this insightful article. …assume love and take a second look. Wonderful advice!!! Stops the hurt and anger in its tracks… makes it possible to ask, ‘what is behind what you said?’ without stoking the fire. Thank you for this insightful article.

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